Reflections of an Incarcerated Pornstar Part III. Or IV? Hell, I Can’t Remember.

It’s not a lack of emotion that’s been keeping me from writing, it’s my inability to express my current sentiments in a modestly entertaining literary fashion. I simply cannot find the proper method to best convey what’s rattling around in this tired old skull of mine. If you hang on, I’ll do my best to humor you with what’s new with me.

I started a second job as a kitchenhand/dishwasher on the weekends. I took the job for a couple of reasons. First off, I’m friends with the owner and I like the small crew that we have at this new restaurant. The second reason is the fact that I want to remain very busy. As of right now I’m scheduled for 58 hours per week with no days off. This means I’m either eating, sleeping or, most likely, working. My simple plan seems to be working well as everything is starting to run together in one big, moderately paced blur.
Even though time is slipping by at a modestly gratifying rate, I’ve been reminded a few times that I’ve been stripped of some very precious liberties that I all too often took for granted on the outs-jail slang for abscence of incarceration. I had a family member lose a sibling and I was of course unable to attend the service and offer my support. To put it bluntly, I feel like a useless piece of shit for not being there. Additionally, I had a very close friend get married and did not attend the wedding. It really sucks having to view wedding photos of a marriage you should’ve been at while scrolling through Facebook on a work break. To top it all off, my wonderful sister and only sibling is over seven months pregnant with her first. That’s right, I’m going to become an uncle in jail. That stings the most.

I bitch and moan about circumstances in which I currently have little to no control over. At a glance, it would appear as if I’m looking for sympathy. I would like to set the record straight. I have lots of support and although I’m very grateful for your reassurance, I feel that I’m not fully worthy. Please do me a favor and take the time to help someone directly. It could be as simple as a smile or a hello. Call an old friend that you haven’t spoken to because of a petty argument. Help a stranger change a tire. Pick up a shift so a coworker can attend their niece’s birthday party. Do that for me and I’ll happily return the favor.

The world is a miserable place; the world is a beautiful place. Times are changing right now but it’s not all negative. Technology has changed the way we think, act and communicate for the better;  it has also changed it for the worse in some ways. U.S. President Barrack Obama recently stated that there is no safer time in history to be alive. Fact check: He’s absolutely right. Please don’t let fear dictate what you do or let negativity affect how you act. Violent crime is far lower than it’s actually perceived due to the abundant prevalence of the media. Medicine is improving at an exponential rate, as evidenced by the HIV/AIDS cure that is now well within reach. Don’t let anybody tell you that it’s not a fantastic time to be alive.

I guess what I’m trying to say is follow the golden rule. If that’s all you take away from this simple pornstar’s incoherent rambling, I will have done my part. Be well, my friends!